The Deadly Social Cloud (Satire)

The Deadly Social Cloud
Our society is tormented everyday with a grave injustice. Americans must tolerate these hayness acts and must bear with them every single day of their lives. In regards to very strong complaints by common citizens all over the United States, laws have tried to stop certain acts that these heathens commit. I have thought out this problem in today’s society and have come up with a solution that can stop this crime throughout the United States.

This social crime is that of smokers in every city of every state in the United States. Not only is the act of smoking disgusting, but also kills the person that is smoking and kills the people around that smoker. Smoking in social areas can cause everyone ill health like asthma, emphysema, lung cancer, and ultimately will cause a premature death to people who are exposed to them on an everyday basis. My plan can benefit society and the well being of the smoker and the people that are usually exposed to it. I propose that the smokers be given laws and punishments that will eventually stop them from smoking and help the common citizen to live much healthier and longer lives. These punishments will consist of three parts, fine and jail, beaten and slapped, and finally demoralized and executed. These murderous tyrants must be stopped as soon as possible and my plan will do that.
Since cigarettes are the leading cause of preventable deaths in the United States, the act of smoking should be seen as the same as homicide. Although it takes longer to kill a person by smoking, it will eventually lead to death just the same. A study from the American Lung Association states that for every six people that die from cigarette related deaths around the world; one of them is an American. In the United States, cigarettes are the cause of one in every five deaths. According to a U.S. Surgeon General’s report, cigarettes contain four thousand chemicals and at least forty distinct cancer-causing chemicals. This should constitute cigarettes as a deadly weapon and the person who is smoking will be convicted for attempted murder if any person is around him or her.
My plan consists of three very efficient punishments to stop cigarette smoking. First time offence by a tyrannous smoker will be arrested and jailed for a minimum of thirty days and a maximum of one year depending of how many people were around that smoker during his or her criminal act, including the officer. This felon will then pay a hefty fine minimum of five thousand dollars and a maximum of twenty thousand dollars depending on jail time. Since nicotine stays in the human body for a minimum of three weeks, a mandatory drug test will be assigned to him or her every two weeks for the rest of their lives. If the test of the felon comes out to be positive, then the felon will be charged with a second offence.
This will help benefit all people, including the smoker in two ways. First, the jail time will be a quitting period and a reminder for the social villain. Second, the fine will help the state to build schools, homes, hospitals, and any other construction that is needed.
Since the criminal only received a very lenient punishment for the first time, if he or she smokes again or is found to be using again, then he or she will be charged with a second offence. This second punishment will be a public beating for five minutes on designated days of the week. Any citizens that choose to do so while being accompanied by a chosen group of police officers will do this beating. Of course the police officers will be chosen from the Los Angeles Police Department. These officers will be tested for stamina, strength and if they have ever been in an investigation for assault. Any officer that had a role in the Rodney King beating will automatically be accepted to teach the other officers how to beat the multiple felon unmercifully.

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This second offence will not only make the two time felon think before they act again, but it will also create entertainment for the general public. This public beating will be an hour-long program with announcers to show highlights and play-by-play beatings around the United States. This program will run after the popular sitcom “Friends,” so that there are as many people watching as possible. This show will also warn any first time offenders and people thinking of smoking before they act.

Assuming that the multiple offender has survived the beating they will also have to wear an armband everyday for the rest of there lives that has the words “slap me! I’m a smoker!” This armband will give all citizens of any age around the United States the right to slap the two-time felon in the back of the head anytime that they see him or her. This is just a constant reminder to the social beast.
Now this attempted murderer has a constant reminder, and must also keep taking the drug tests. If he or she is found yet again to smoke then they will be convicted of a third offence. This third offence is punished by death. Before they are put to death they will be sentenced to thirty days in a high security prison, where fellow inmates will repeatedly rape them. Only inmates of lesser social crimes like murder, rape, and violent crimes will be able to do the molestation of the immoral convict.

Only after the thirty-day prison sentence will they be put to death immediately. This villain of the human society will die the way that they chose their victims to die. They will be taken to a sealed room where pictures of clear skies and a television playing video of people taking deep, enjoyable breaths of fresh air. This room will be pumped slowly full of tobacco smoke until the criminal suffocates and dies of this nocuous cloud that they tried to kill others with.

Some people may say to go after the tobacco industry where the cause is. Others may say to stop tobacco growth all together. These are very good ideas, but the tobacco companies have already been attacked and they still keep producing cancer sticks. The owners of these companies will fall under the laws that I have proposed which will put them under criminal charges. In addition to criminal charges, the companies will soon be bankrupt from the new laws. Stopping growth of tobacco plants is not an option unfortunately, due to the fact that other counties such as Cuba and Mexico are the lead producers of tobacco. The United States cannot control production of other countries.
Some others may say that the human rights of the smoker will be violated if my proposal is put into effect. What about the human rights of the victims around them? Are they not aloud to have healthy long lives? I say that the right to survive for the majority of the population is much more important than the rights of a so-called human being that tries to commit suicide and kill everyone else with them. Not only are adults affected, but children are also affected by cigarette smoke. Does the future for our children out way the rights for a smoker? I say it does undoubtedly.

My three-step solution to first fine and jail, second to beat and slap, and thirdly to demoralize and execute will stop all use and production of tobacco if enabled and enforced. I am a nonsmoker who has lost an aunt to this white shroud of death. Due to the effects of second hand smoke over the years my aunt acquired lung cancer at the age of twenty-four, she later died at the age of twenty-eight. Because of this fact I must strongly insist on starting my proposal as soon as possible to save the American population and the future for our children and our grandchildren. My proposal will greatly enhance the living environment for all people, in every city around the United States and ensure the quality of living for the future.

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